Part of an ongoing series, this article is based on an arrangement conference that helps families receive all the benefits a funeral can offer…A Balanced Funeral Arrangement.

A funeral helps families move closer to the pain of their loss, and your funeral home can provide a safe place for them to begin that journey. Are you able to guide the families you serve through the arrangement process without taking over? Are you able to offer ways to embrace the pain they are feeling?

Do Your First Words to the Family Really Help?
Your first words really set the tone for your entire interaction with families. Mumbled condolences with no accompanying handshake or eye contact do little to reassure a family. But neither does an overly personal greeting or too much touching. Learn what works best for you by practicing your initial contact until it feels comfortable and sounds sincere.

Remember, many people who come to your funeral home don't know you personally and may not understand if you are overly solicitous to them. They may also perceive you as having an agenda, and that can easily lead to lack of trust.

Is Your Arrangement Conference a Safe Place to Open Up?
A good arranger should ask questions that will allow families to share their feelings, needs and concerns and not just give feedback that consists of yes and no answers. Families will open up if you give them time. Don't bury them with rapid-fire interrogation.

Pausing from time to time to listen can be very helpful for you and for the family. Once you have learned about a loved one, you can help a family discover what is possible by being clear and direct as you make suggestions about how to make their funeral experience special. Make sure the family understands what you are suggesting by painting a detailed verbal picture of the experience …how the room may be arranged, who will participate, what will take place.

Embracing the Pain of Loss Often Results in Tears. How Do You Feel About Tears?
You have heard how therapeutic tears can be. They are the beginning of the healing process. Tears tell you that someone is in pain and needs your support. When you try to keep tears from the arrangement conference, you are telling the family that you are not comfortable with their sadness. The funeral home is and always has been the place where it has been appropriate to show grief outwardly. Is your funeral home a place where people feel comfortable beginning to share the sorrow of their loss?

Do You Educate Your Families About How the Parts of the Funeral Can Help Them Move Closer to Their Pain?
Funeral rituals are important. Learning about feelings of loss is gained through activities and experiences. Merely showing up at the funeral may not, in itself, be a helpful experience. Participation in rituals surrounding the funeral will help a family "learn" that their loved one is gone.
The funeral ritual provides a public place to express private feelings. By helping families understand what the eulogy or the viewing or placing items in the casket can do for their recovery, you help them understand why taking part in special activities can be so valuable to helping the begin the healing process by moving closer to their pain.

As part of Lifetimes—The Balanced Funeral Arrangement training at Aurora, you will discover how questioning techniques can help a family express their needs and feelings and how, by listening effectively, you can make suggestions that will help them receive all the benefits of the funeral, including facing their loss.

For more information on attending a Lifetimes training seminar, contact Aurora Answers at 800.457.1111.

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About the Author
JoAnn Baldwin is manager of professional development at Aurora Casket Company. A licensed funeral director, she presents programs to help funeral directors offer a full range of products and services effectively to meet the needs of diverse families. For more information, contact her via email or by phone at 800.457.1111.